If your close friend or loved one came to you and said she wanted to wear niqab (a face veil), how would that make you feel? If you read about how a 

country (Egypt) had banned students from wearing niqab in school

I had two different reactions to these scenarios when it played out in my life (I will keep the details about who shared this desire with me vague to protect private conversations), and the way the first scenario wormed its way into my head and took root in there for several days pushed me to examine my own urge to judge in this situation.

For many of us Muslim women who have grown up in the United States, we’ve enjoyed the relative protection of religious freedom (more so than other countries, one could reasonably argue). It’s by no means perfect and the juxtaposition of religious freedom with the protection of other people’s rights are swimming in complexities. But for the purpose of this reflective piece, the freedom to wear hijab (or not), to dress modestly (or not)  is something we’ve had for the most part in this country (biding discrimination cases and situations that some of us have endured).

I’d further postulate that many of us view hijab bans and persecution of Muslim women in other countries for what they want to wear (or, as in the case of Iran, for 

) with anger, frustration and shock. Certainly that’s the way I’ve been feeling as I read reporting and stories about these bans and targeting of Muslim women.

So, I considered myself firmly in the camp of respecting women’s choices and protecting religious freedoms. Then came the conversation with my close friend. (Again, I’m keeping identities vague  for this piece to protect the original conversation and young woman with whom I had the conversation.)

Image source: Pexels; photo by Cottonbro Studios

She mentioned casually to me that as she has been assessing how modesty plays in her life and her relationship with God, she had been moving in the direction of dressing more modestly for the sake of ease, comfort and protection. She said she was moving towards wearing abayas on the regular (to school, work, out in the community), information which I absorbed and supported. I wasn’t into wearing abayas full time, but good for her!

Then she said she also wanted to wear niqab. My ears perked up.

She struggled a little to articulate what she was feeling.

What she eventually came up with was that through self-reflection and a desire to become closer to Allah (S), she felt wearing the niqab would help her do so, and that she would feel stronger, confident and more protected by wearing it.

 We ended the conversation. But then I spent the next few nights thinking about it, wondering why? Why would ANYONE want to cover their face and wear niqab. And also, more deeply, why was I feeling this visceral reaction? 

Who seemingly supported a Muslim woman’s right to wear (or not wear) what she wanted? Who believed in a Muslim woman’s ability to choose this for herself in her relationship with Allah (S)?

Why was I taken aback by a loved one's desire to wear niqab? Why, when I read about the 

Egyptian government banning niqab in public schools

, did I not feel as angry as I did when reading about France 

banning hijabs, niqabs and burkinis in other capacities

It made me realize that in moments like these, when my immediate reaction is to reach for judgment or feel immediate negativity around something, it would do me (and all of us) good to pause and do some deep self reflection. Snap judgments rarely benefit anyone, and having an immediate and/or visceral negative reaction to something may be a good time to pause, absorb, think, pray, self-reflect, self-educate (religiously and secularly) and do some deep thinking to explore why we’re feeling the way we are feeling, and if it is good and right for us to think this way.

Which is what I did. I may not understand my friend's journey and choices (because they are not 

journey and choices), but she deserves my understanding and support. Sometimes, that support can look like quelling your inner rumblings and keeping your opinions to yourself. And sometimes a person isn’t looking for anything from you, they are just sharing a part of themselves.

Sometimes, after deep reflection, that support can look like engaging in respectful and serious conversation with your loved one if you still have serious misgivings about something and have the kind of relationship where they are willing to talk to you and receive advice from you. Sometimes that support looks like enthusiastic encouragement and acts of physical support.

In all situations though, lead with love and kindness.

On Niqab Bans and the Desire to Wear Niqab – What Do Our Reactions Say About Us?

As a young mom raising a family of my own, with all the technology and abundance of both Islamic and educational resources readily available at my fingertips, I often find myself looking back at the relative simplicity of my childhood and admiring the way my parents raised my siblings and I. With limited resources and their own creativity to rely on, they instilled the love of Islam, our homeland and family morals in such a way that I strive to do the same with my own children.

And maybe (like many of us) I look at my childhood with rose-colored glasses, but indeed, it’s remarkable how my parents raised us relying mainly upon themselves to teach us our faith, our morals and our values.

Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful and in awe of all the online and local options (for teaching Islam and whatever it is you want your kids to learn) to choose from depending on your family schedule and lifestyle. From Sunday school programs, online parenting courses, local masajid programming, online Arabic, Quran and Islamic Studies lessons, Islamic story books, games, Quran audio players, memorizing applications, and even interactive prayer mats – the list is endless. And, it can easily get overwhelming!

Where do you begin? What do you register for? What materials are truly necessary and beneficial ? When I find myself caught up in all the noise, I take a step back and ask myself “What did mama do?”

How much of my children’s education is on me and my relationship with them, and how much is it ok for me to outsource? Here are four things to consider and reflect on:

1. It’s hard not to compare yourself and your children to those around you. But don't do it.

 Getting together with friends and hearing about what they are doing for their family and kids, the latest program they are in or extra curricular activity – it’s hard not to want to do the same for your family in order to maximize their experiences and give them new opportunities to grow and learn from.

Are my kids missing out? Am I not doing what’s right for them by keeping it low-key and at home on Friday night instead of attending that masjid program for kids? Remember that what works for other families may not work for you, and that is okay.

Being involved in your children’s lives can take on many forms, whether it is delegating those tasks to others by signing them up for activities and masjid youth groups, seeking aid from resources such as books, games, and electronic devices, or simply going old school and just having heartfelt conversations with your children over dinner or on the drive home. Maybe hanging out with them with no agenda in a way that strengthens togetherness and your parental relationship.

There are ways to strike a parental balance when it comes to incorporating the resources at hand while also simplifying the way in which we are involved in our children's lives. This is how I attempt to honor the type of parenting I was raised with and that I find myself striving to model many years later.

2. Maintain an open communication style to gain your child’s trust.

 This is easy when our children are in their early years. They are born to depend on us, and to them we are their only source of safety, comfort and trust. The key is to continue building that relationship as they become more independent and venture out into the real world.

Once your child enters the school-age years and they start their first day of school, they quickly learn that other individuals around them can be trusted. Other people start to hold influence over them, and that’s not a bad thing. Teachers, staff at school and even their peers soon become people in whom they look up to and confide in.

This can all be a great way for your kids to grow. But what brings it all together is making the home a safe space to discuss things your children see at school or outside of the home. This should become a foundational building block in your relationship.

As parents, it’s important for me and my husband to be the source of information and direction in our children’s lives especially during their early years. Being sure to always have open conversations about various topics within their age and remind them that they can always come to you with questions about things they hear and see outside of the home has been an integral part of our parenting style.

I can’t expect my teenage child to come to me in his or her time of struggle and curiosity if I don’t pave the path for that at a young age. I love taking advantage of our car rides, dinner time and bedtime as windows in our day that I can check in with my kids. I also am sure to tell them about my day as a way of making them feel important to me while also modeling the behavior I am asking of them. I engage in silliness with them and also make sure to give them the space they need to approach me.

3. Instilling love for Islam and good morals starts from the home.

 My mom always said, “The person who is well behaved and knows his Lord learned this at home.” Our home is our home base. While Sunday schools and masjid halaqas are a great asset and compliment what we teach our kids at home, it's important for parents to ensure that we are just as involved with our children’s Islamic and moral upbringing at home.

We should not completely rely on outside resources. Looking back at my childhood, I remember my parents would organically weave in Islamic lessons, Quran memorization and morals in our day-to-day life. After all Islam is a way of life, and there is always an opportunity to teach and learn through our interactions as a family.

For example, this can look like ensuring we pray at least one prayer together. For my family that is Maghreb. Because my daughter is approaching her seventh birthday, my husband and I have been making it a priority to embed Maghreb prayer as a family in our daily bedtime routine. We also make sure we share a meal together everyday. Sitting down as a family for dinner (and breakfast on the weekends) is foundational to our family. Having the children help with food preparations and setting the table while sharing how our day went while we eat is valuable time that can not be replaced.

During school drop off, my husband and I take advantage of the car ride and review our children’s surahs that they are working on. During bedtime, I have made it a habit for us as a family to read one non-Islamic book that still embodies mannerisms and main ideas that align with our faith, and one Islamic or Arabic book that opens conversations and topics about Islam.

These include books that cover Prophet stories, family and community relationships, and of course, books on our holidays and celebrations. This has been the perfect gateway to conversations that come up throughout our day.

4. Listen to your parental instincts and don’t compare yourself with other families.

 This is a reminder to myself before anyone else. I am absolutely guilty of getting caught up with what my friends and other families are doing for their children and wanting to do the same in an effort to provide my kids with the best opportunities and experiences.

This is when my spouse comes in. He reminds me that life is not a one-size-fits-all mold. It is also not feasible nor economical to always want to purchase or sign up for the newest resource or service. Each family is unique in their dynamic, schedule and priorities.

While we all want the best for our children, that doesn’t always look the same across the board and that is okay. In fact that is the beauty of parenting. There are so many different ways to go about it, And, remember that every child is also different in the way in which they receive information. Some children thrive on personal time and a more relaxed environment. Others need a busy schedule and rigid routine. You know your child more than anyone, trust your maternal (and paternal) instinct!

Do you ever look back at your childhood and wonder how your parents molded you into the person you are today with such limited resources? Are you someone who models some of the same parenting style as your own parents, or do you prefer to parent differently while utilizing the resources and services available in our communities and online? Share your experiences below, we would love to hear from you!

How Much of My Kids' (Islamic) Education is on Me? How Much Can I Outsource? 4 Things to Know

The Islamic month of Muharram has begun and Ashura, which falls on the 10th of Muharram is upon us. Many of us have learned about the historical events that have happened on this day and this month, focusing on the martyrdom of Imam Hussain (as) (the grandson of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) in the Battle of Karbala. It is a day (and month) of significance to all Muslims, Sunni and Shi’a.

But for Shi’a Muslims, Ashura and Muharram hold a special and elevated importance with a variety of ways in which they observe and remember the events of Ashura and the martyrdom of Imam Hussain (as) and his followers. Every year when the month of Muharram and the day of Ashura comes, there are many misconceptions and questions around what Ashura means to Shi’a Muslims and how they observe and remember these religious events.

So, we asked Sumaira Akbarzada, who penned a piece for Haute Hijab about what 

the bravery of Zainab (as) (the sister of Imam Hussain) after the battle of Karbala

 means to her, to answer a set of frequently asked questions around Muharram and Ashura from a Shi’a perspective, so that we all may better understand the significance around this month for Shi’a Muslims. Sumaira was raised in an Afghan Shi’a family, received her master’s degree from Yale and is studying for her doctorate in health policy.

It is important to note that there will be differences between how Sunni and Shi’a Muslims (and Muslims from different 

or schools of thought) observe this month and day. This FAQ looks to explain common questions (many which came from our HH community) around Muharram and Ashura about how Shi’a Muslims feel about and observe this day and month from a Shi’a perspective.

What is the significance of the Battle of Karbala for Shi’as?

Imam Hussain (as) refused to pledge allegiance to Yazid, an unjust ruler under whose rule pious Muslims were persecuted and whose character was completely unIslamic. He rose up against Yazid to protect the religion of Islam as revealed to his grandfather, the Prophet Muhammad (saw), and to prevent falsehood from corrupting the truth.

In the Imam's own words, "I swear by God, I did not rise against the tyrannical rule of Bani Umayyah out of selfishness or with the aim of oppression or corruption. My revolt is only aimed at reviving the religion of my grandfather, the holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) and the traditions of my father Ali ibn-Abi Talib (as), to enjoin good and forbid evil. So, whoever accepts me by accepting the truth, surely God rewards him for supporting the truth. And whoever rejects me, I will be patient until God judges between me and these people justly. Surely, He Almighty is the Best Judge of the judges." [Biharul Anwar Vol. 44," P. 329]

Imam Hussian (as) left Madina for Iraq where the people of Kufa had invited him, so that they could lend him their support. On the way to Kufa, his small group of 72 companions and family members were stopped by the army of Yazid that was sent by Ibn Ziyad, Yazid's governor of Kufa. They were prevented from accessing food or the water for three days.

On Ashura (10th of Muharram), the men of the army of Imam Hussain (as) were all martyred by the army of Yazid with the exception of his son, Zayn al-Abidin (as), who was sick and taken prisoner. They did not even spare Imam Hussain's (as) six month old son 

 who was killed with an arrow piercing his delicate neck. Imam Hussain (as) was martyred at the end. After his death, his body was trampled under the hoofs of the army of Yazid and his decapitated head was raised on a spear for all to see.

After he was martyred, the army of Yazid looted and burnt the tents of the granddaughters of the Prophet (saw). The women and children were taken prisoner and marched without their hijab first to the court of ibn Ziyad and then brought to the court of Yazid in Damascus. Bear in mind that these are the women of the household of the Prophet (saw). They have never been seen by any men outside their family and now they were brought as captives of war to the palace of Yazid where they were held as prisoners.

Do Shi’as mourn during the entire month of Muharram and if so, why?

Modern-day Karbala; image source: Pexels.

Yes, Muharram is not only a sacred month in the Islamic calendar but also the source of Islam’s revival. It is specially respected by Shi’a Muslims across the world because it reminds them of the sacrifices made by the family of the Prophet (saw) to safeguard and preserve Islamic values. The Prophet’s grandson, 

and his few companions sacrificed their lives in 

The concept of mourning during Muharram, as said by Shi’a religious scholars (known as Maraji), is to respect the symbols of religion and remember the suffering of Imam Hussain (as), his companions, and his uprising to defend Islam and prevent the destruction of the religion by the Bani Umayyad dynasty. For many Shi’as, ​​it’s also a very spiritual month, where we refrain from listening to music, watching movies and focus solely on Muharram activities.

Could you explain the concept of chest beating practiced by Shi’as during Ashura processions?

First, it's important to clarify that it's 

(forbidden) to inflict self harm during Ashura processions, and many prominent 

Shi’a scholars have indeed outlawed it and spoken against it

 in Arabic, can be done lightly or moderately without causing any self-harm. Ma’tam involves hitting the chest rhythmically with bare hands while a 

 (poem/eulogy) is being recited. It is done symbolically rather than to inflict pain. During Ashura, both Shi’a women and men will gather in separate halls to cry and beat their chests in rhythm.

The beating of the chest on the day of Ashura essentially symbolizes a gesture of mourning and an individual’s grief towards the martyrdom of Imam Hussain (as) and many members of the Prophet’s (saw) family. The communal nature of ma’tam is also a reminder to oppressors that we are here and we stand against you in the name of Imam Hussain (as). It’s essentially an incredible stand of defiance to tyranny and injustice everywhere.

Many Sunni Muslims observe Ashura by fasting. Why do Shi’as not fast on the day of Ashura?

While fasting is a great form of worship, Shi’as have valid reservations regarding the fast of Ashura. It is always recommended to fast anytime throughout the year (except Eid), but the problem is that there is a history of politics behind the fast of Ashura. There are many other days throughout the year which are highly recommended to fast, such as the 

, but how come you don’t see as many speeches and posts encouraging this day of fasting as compared to the fast of Ashura?

Shi’as believe there is a political agenda behind this, originally designed to focus the attention away from the martyrdom of Imam Hussain (as) and to consider it a blessed day.

Killing the very grandson of the Prophet (saw) was a major crime. 

 were responsible for this massacre, so Banu Umayya (the 

 that Yazid belonged to) attempted to shift the focus of the people for the day of Ashura. Possessing power and money, they spread the message to the Muslims that Ashura is a blessed day. They did so by claiming that on Ashura, God saved Prophet Musa and his people from the Pharaoh and they encouraged the people to fast on Ashura.

Thus, based on these reasons and observations, Shi’as have reservations on the fast of Ashura.

When Imam Jafar (as), the 6th Shi’a Imam, was asked about the fast of Ashura, he replied,“That is the day Hussain (as) was killed. If that pleases you then fast. The Banu Umayya vowed that if Hussain (as) was killed they would take that day as Eid and they would fast to show their gratitude, and that they would entertain their children. Thus, it has become a tradition in the family of Abu Sufyan until this day. A fast is not kept due to a calamity, it is kept to express gratitude for safety. Hussain (as) was killed on Ashura, if you see this as a calamity do not fast, if you see it as the day Banu Umayyah found safety then fast (thinking you are) being grateful to Allah (S).

This summarizes pretty well why Shi’as do not fast or have reservations around it on the 10th of Muharram.

Why do Shi’as show such devotion to Imam Hussain (as) and the family of the Prophet (saw)?

Shi’a Muslims love the household of the Prophet based on the Quranic verses in which it states:

"Say, [O Muhammad], "For this I ask of you no wage except the love of the (Prophet's) relatives." [Qur'an 42:23]

According to the aforementioned verse of the Holy Qur'an, Shi’a Muslims love the Ahlul Bayt of the Prophet (saw) because they are the Prophet's household, which means clearly that it is due to the Prophet (saw) that they love his family members. Shi’a Muslims love Imam Hussain (as) because he is the grandson of the Prophet (saw) and a true follower of his grandfather, saying that he would take the course of his grandfather.

What do Shi’as mean by “Every day is Ashura, every land is Karbala”?

Shi’as have used this statement to advocate and champion the message of Imam Hussain (as) and his companions, to tell the people that the battle against injustice and tyranny didn't end in Karbala, to tell everyone to continue spreading the message of Imam Hussain (as). 

In so many ways, you can see the tragedy of Karbala taking place in the modern world, such as the ongoing occupation of Palestine, the wars in Yemen, Afghanistan and Syria, the killing of Burma’s Muslims, and the injustice happening to Black people in America. Hence, the triumph of justice over oppression, truth over falsehood, and good over evil resonates with everyone.

This all is to say that Imam Hussain (as) belongs not just to Shi’as, not even to Islam, but to all of humanity

, a Syrian Christian researcher and writer believes that Imam Hussain (as) does not only belong exclusively to Shi’as and Muslims, but rather to the whole world because Hussain (as) is the “conscience of religions” and has highlighted the uprising of Imam Hussain (as) against the illegitimate rule of Yazid as an exemplary movement and an Islamic role model.

How else do Shi’a Muslims honor the sacrifice of Imam Hussain (as) and his companions during Muharram?

 initiated in 2006 in the United Kingdom. The purpose of the campaign is to encourage donating blood through local blood drives in honor of Imam Hussain’s (as) fight and sacrifice for the preservation of Islam. The campaign increased the number of regular blood donors from Muslim communities throughout the UK and has become a global movement for Shi’as.

Inspired by the teachings of Islam and the courage of Imam Hussain (as), Shi’as are encouraged to donate blood and keep the eternal flame of Karbala alive. Last year, in 2022, the campaign broke the 

world record for most blood donations in a day

Sumaira Akbarzada is an Afghan-American  who did her masters from Yale University and is now studying for her doctorate. Her passion lies in global health, health equity and reproductive rights. Born and raised in a Shi’a family, Sumaira hopes to continue fostering a bridge of understanding and mutual respect between Shi’as and Sunnis. Find her

What is the Significance of Muharram and Ashura? An FAQ from a Shi'a Perspective

I remember the year my friend Nur came back from summer break with light shining from her face, pride beaming through her eyes, as she told us all that she had completed the memorization of The Holy Quran with an 

(accredited certificate that allows the holder to teach the memorization of the Quran with 

according to the Ijazah type). We were both middle schoolers at the time. I remember feeling inspired to continue memorizing the Quran; she always gave her friends the encouragement we all needed.

My fondest childhood memories are of our friends and classmates memorizing the Quran together in our circles of study during Quran class in our Islamic school and as part of the weekend Quran school we all attended and eventually taught in ourselves.

The recitation and memorization of the Quran was an integral part of our upbringing. Nur was always one of those at the forefront. With her melodic recitation, she continued to perfect her memorization and teach it to others no matter where life took her.

Unfortunately, as many of us know all too well, this life is fleeting and deceptive. We are all nothing but a number of days on this earth. A time and date interval. Right when we least expect it, this 

(life) flips the reality we know upside down leaving us forever shattered, never the same.

My dearest Nur passed away earlier this month after battling a long, exhausting and defeating battle with cancer. Her passing shook myself, all those who knew her, and our entire community to the core. A young beautiful mother of two small children. A fresh graduate of dental school. She was ready to embark on her next chapter of life as a doctor while committing to being a lifelong teacher of the Quran. A loving wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. But this is the way of the dunya. We plan, Allah (S) plans, and He is the best of planners.

Nur's Quran, from her old Instagram page.

Nur’s character embodied the Quran she worked so hard to memorize. She was always there to encourage others to keep going with their own Quran journey. She spoke wisely and gently to those around her and was always ready to lend a helping hand in any way she could. She had a light sense of humor that complimented her calm demeanor. Her gifts were always well thought out and purposeful. Her love for the Quran was radiant in every aspect of her life, and she shared it any time she got the chance.

This Quran is a new beginning. A new time to start the journey of Quran memorization. My advice to you is to pick a surah to start with and go on from there.

Every time you open this Quran, remember me.

Ghallia, the Quran is your best friend. It will never fail you. Whenever you feel alone, open it. You got this girl!

[A message written inside a Quran gifted to a friend.]

Nur’s passing has me rethinking my own relationship with my Quran. It is a relationship that has had its highs and lows. I have beautiful memories of my childhood and adolescent years when the Quran was truly an active part of my daily life. But with adulthood, marriage and motherhood come responsibilities and commitments that have taken away the relationship I once had with my Quran, especially when it came to memorization.

But with my children getting older and starting to embark on their own Quran journey, I’ve found myself slowly easing back into memorization and reviewing the short chapters as I recite them with my children.

The Quran that Nur gifted her friend Ghallia.

Over the years I’ve fiddled with the idea of memorizing again, but excuses always fogged my brain. Nur’s passing gave me the clarity I needed to think intentionally about rekindling my relationship with the words of Allah (S) once again. If you are at a stage in your life where you feel like you have lost your spark with the words of Allah (S), if you find yourself reciting the same few chapters in your salah and have left memorization on the back burner, this is my invitation to you to pick up a new surah and start your memorization once again.

I find it most helpful to join a Quran memorization program, or find a teacher, whether online or locally, who will keep you accountable and motivated.

As I ponder on Nur’s legacy and her passing, I reminisce on a time in my upbringing where I was a young youth in the masjid teaching children the words of Allah (S) alongside my friends. We each were responsible for an age group of children, and together we memorized and taught as we filled the main 

(masjid prayer hall) with the harmonious recitation of the Quran.

I long for that feeling once again. My advice to myself, and you, is to find a Quran circle where you can teach children or others what you know of the Quran.

Take it upon yourself to be a messenger of the words of Allah (S). Begin with your own children and family members and then branch out to your local masjid Quran school. There is a certain satisfaction that comes with teaching the Quran. Not only are you constantly reviewing your own memorization, but you are also gaining the reward of those who are memorizing and will continue to recite throughout their lives.

Our relationship with the Quran is ongoing, always improving and we are all lifelong learners of the Quran. However, if you are at a stage in your journey where you still do not feel confident enough to take on the responsibility of teaching the words of Allah (S) to others, I encourage you to at least teach those in your immediate family, your children, spouse, nieces, nephews, some of the chapters that you have memorized and are able to recite clearly during salah. Do not belittle the multitude of reward you will receive every time that person recites the verses you helped them learn.

Pink flowers against an archway in Syria, which is where Nur was from.

You can also work on teaching others the 

(translation) and reflect on the meaning of the verses in the Quran. 

– pondering and reflecting on the chapters and verses in the Quran, their relationship to each other and how they apply to our daily lives – is a unique form of worship. Extracting gems and daily doses of encouragement to get us through this dunya is a beautiful way to interact with the verses of the Quran on an intimate level.

 on Instagram, does this so effortlessly and shares her daily insights as well as offers tafsir and tadabour classes on various chapters of the Quran.

Nur was a true example of someone who embodied the Quran she read and memorized. Her character encompassed the verses she lived by. Our deen is so beautiful in that it is a complete handbook and guide. Mannerisms on how to handle Allah’s (S) creation, rulings on how to live our life, words of serenity and stories of past prophets to calm our days of hardship, glad tidings to encourage us to strive for the hereafter – these are all found in our Holy Book if we just take the time to read and reflect.

Don’t Know How to Start? A Little Quran Goes a Long Way

If you are unsure where to begin, start by embedding the Quran in your daily life by carving out the time for it as you would with any other worldly commitment. I have found that this is the best way to stay consistent and true to your relationship with the words of Allah (S).

, which include many verses from the Quran. Commit to a specific number of pages, your daily 

, that you will read. Small consistent acts of worship are more favorable to Allah (S), we know this to be true and is applicable to all aspects of our 

One of my last encounters with Nur before she got sick was right after I had lost my mother in law and grandfather to cancer in a short period of time, which is uncanny in retrospect. It was during the rise of COVID, so we were both masked up and trying to keep our distance. I was sharing with Nur how hard things have been on myself and my family. I got emotional and began to cry. I will never forget Nur’s warm embrace as she jokingly waved her hands up in the air and said “I don’t care about COVID!” and gave me the biggest hug as we both cried.

She comforted me in a time of vulnerability and grief. Since the day of her passing I find myself consoling myself and those who loved her about her own passing. She was truly a gem of a friend. Nur, light, she encompassed her name in all that she was. May Allah (S) illuminate her grave with light upon light, Nur upon Nur and have mercy on her.

Some people live this life as travelers, their presence is light and quick. They have a better place waiting for them. This world is not meant for them. They pack their bags and move on to a place where they will live in an eternity of happiness and ease. They have passed the test of this life with flying colors. Their grades are high and ready to be accepted by their creator. They are okay, they are where they need to be.

We are the ones that will forever be broken. Forever living this life with a void surrounding us. Forever grieving, filled with immense love for someone that is no longer there to receive it. Until we meet them again in that place of eternal bliss, peace, happiness and ease; Jannah.

Allah (S) sends waves of mercy, patience and ease to nurse the crashing waves of grief that hit hard throughout the days, weeks, months and years. He sends strength we never knew we had. He is 

is our best friend. The Quran is our companion. I pray that you and I can make the Quran our companion in this life so it can be our lighting companion in the grave and our intercessor on The Day of Judgement, 

How to Rekindle Our Relationship With the Holy Quran: A Tribute to My Friend Nur Kanawati

Hajj, the sacred pilgrimage to Makkah, takes on an even more profound meaning when experienced as a family or a multigenerational family. The journey of Hajj with loved ones creates a deep bond and strengthens the ties that connect family members spiritually.

As families take this sacred journey together, they navigate the rituals of Hajj hand in hand, supporting and uplifting one another. Parents become the guiding lights, imparting their wisdom and knowledge to their children. Parents and children find solace and strength in their shared faith. And often, witnessing one’s children learn and absorb the rituals of Hajj and find meaning in it can bring more meaning back to their parents’ faith journey as well.

The unity of the family is beautifully demonstrated during the 

, as they encircle the Ka’bah together. Their collective voices, raised in prayer and supplication, reverberate through the sacred space, creating a symphony of devotion and gratitude. Each family member's connection with Allah (S) is strengthened as they witness the devotion and piety of their loved ones.

A friend of mine, Djamila, was fortunate enough to go on the sacred Hajj twice and take the blessed journey once with her mother, Thelma, and the second time with her teenage daughter, Baiyyina. She shared what her pilgrimage experience was like with her mother and daughter and the blessings and lessons they all collectively gained from performing the Hajj together

Hajj pilgrims making tawwaf around the Ka'bah during Hajj. Image source: Pexels

Djamila went on Hajj for the first time with her mother, Thelma in the early 1990s. At the time, her mom was in her 60s.

“My mother became Muslim in 1958, under Elijah Muhammad,” Djamila explains. “Then she left the Nation of Islam and followed Malcom X. There was a point where there wasn’t any sunnah Islam for African American Muslims established where she lived. She ended up leaving the 

and coming back many years later. In the 90s, she took her 

in Sunni Islam and was able to go to Hajj [with me].

“She was struggling financially. She got divorced after a 30 year marriage. One of the believers in the community gave her money to help [my mother] go on Hajj.”

Djamila tells Haute Hijab that it was a blessing and a mercy to go with their mother on Hajj despite the challenges they encountered.

“My mother had recently taken her shahadah. She wasn’t familiar with all of the prayers. A sister told [my mother] that if she didn’t even know a certain surah (chapter of the Quran), she shouldn’t have come. We got past that.

“A lot of people got sick from the food and the Hajj flu. We had a sister, who gave us a 30-day regiment [of vitamins and herbs] to build our immune systems. 

Thelma says that despite the obstacles, Hajj with her daughter was one of the best experiences of her life, and her own age was not a hindrance. “I was in my 60s, but I was still doing it,” she said. “The living was hard,” says Thelma. “There were 17 people in two large rooms and only one bathroom. We had very little food. We had the energy to do all the walking, praying and sleeping outside.”

From L-R: Inshirah (Djamila's husband), Thelma (Djamila's mother) and Djamila; image source: Djamila.

Thelma describes the excellent treatment she and her daughter received: “It was like we were Queens,” said Thelma. “The hearts of the people were beautiful.” She says that she would go back even now in her 90s if she could.

Djamila went on Hajj again a second time, this time with her teenage daughter, Baiyyina. She told me that Hajj with her daughter was different from when she went with her mother but still wonderful.

“There was a large group of sisters,” says Djamila. “So, [my daughter] had people her age to be with as well as my husband and me.

“That was the year there was the big fire. That was a big challenge. Alhamdulillah, we made it through. The fire made it a health hazard, and we spent the night in the burnt-out camp.”

Djamila says witnessing her young daughter perform the Hajj rites and worship Allah (S) inspired her.

“Seeing her go through all the trials and tribulations, I thought of her as one of the youths under the throne of Allah (S) on the Day of Judgement who worshiped Allah (S).”

The lessons Djamila, her mother Thelma, and her daughter Baiyyina earned during Hajj become a foundation for their family life, shaping their interactions, priorities and outlook. Families continue to uphold the values of faith, unity and perseverance of our faith, carrying the spirit of Hajj within their daily lives. They inspire one another to strive for righteousness, support each other through challenges, and cherish the blessings bestowed upon them.

Hajj with family is a journey that transcends physical distances, fostering a deep spiritual connection and strengthening the ties that bind them. It is a shared experience that reminds them of the importance of faith, unity and love, as they navigate the joys and trials of life together.

Have you gone for Hajj with your parents, kids or other family? Do you plan to? Share your experiences with us in the comments below!

A Multigenerational Hajj – How a Family Who Does Hajj Together Grows in Faith Together

Hajjis of all ages from all parts of the world (Muslims who are performing the Hajj pilgrimage) are gathering on the plains of Arafah for a day of worship. They’re partaking (or have already) in the metaphorical stoning of the devil at 

 and spending time in worship in the camps of Mina. They’re performing 

around the Ka’bah in the Grand Mosque and running between the areas of 

All able-bodied and financially-abled adult Muslims are required to go for Hajj once in their lifetime. And, it’s not as easy as just planning a trip. Performing the Hajj isn’t easy, and it costs a significant amount of money. It takes time and spiritual preparation. The timing of Hajj is very specific to the Islamic month of Dhul Hijjah, and our Muslim lunar months shift in 10 day increments around the Gregorian calendar.

And finally, one must apply to go for Hajj, and not everyone gets to go when they want, as the Saudi government has set limitations to control how many people can perform the physical rites of Hajj in a small geographical area in a set amount of time.

With all this to consider, when is it the right time to go for Hajj? When one is young and probably has less fiscal and familial responsibilities? When one is older and in a more retired stage of life? The easy answer is that there is no set answer to this question. It’s highly subjective due to a person’s circumstances at any given time.

I went for Hajj with my husband at a younger stage in life. I was in my late 20s but already had two children, the eldest of whom had recently been diagnosed with autism at the time. We lived in apartments, had no student debt, owned our car and had healthy parents who could look after our babies for us. So that was the right time for us. How would Hajj be for us if we went now with everything we’ve gone through and are currently shouldering? What if we went in our retirement years?

I love hearing everyone’s Hajj stories and sought out three women – two of whom are performing Hajj this year together – and one who went about 10 years ago to share their Hajj stories with me. All have done their Hajj at very different stages in life, which has brought beautiful nuances and closeness to their desire to go, their connection with Allah (S) and their ability to perform the Hajj. Here are their stories, as told to me, which I’ve edited and condensed to share with you.

  Asra Husain, whom I interviewed for this article,  is my cousin.)

Dr. Ayesha Mohammed, a physician based in Chicago

I had been desiring to go for Hajj for a long time. Even when I was doing my residency, I always had in my mind that this was something I needed to do. But I had loans to pay off, I wasn’t financially independent. So I thought, I’ll think about it after I'm done with training. From there, everytime I had a birthday, [my brother] Tabraiz would always ask me, “What do you want?” I’d say “I want to go for Hajj.” He’d say, “That’ll be your wedding present.”

But I’m still single. When I started working on my own about 8-9 years ago, I always had in my mind the advice I was given by my brother and older relatives to save money for a rainy day, So I was saving money for a rainy day, and I was saving money for Hajj.

[My brother] said he and his wife were going to wait for Hajj to go when their youngest child was at least five years old., and that I could come with them. I either wanted to go with my family (my dad, my mom or my brothers) or when I got married. And I didn’t want to have student debt hanging over me.

Well, President Biden got elected and there was all this loan forgiveness happening. And before that, the pandemic happened. My parents had illnesses they went through, I went through some stuff at work, and since then, there was this even more need for Hajj. The last time we did umrah was 2017. And I was very emotional, I didn’t want that much time to pass until we went again.

This past December we were able to go for Umrah, 

. I wanted to go so badly. it was a desperate cry in the dark, alone – just let this work out. When we were planning it, it just wasn’t working out. I was so prepared to go on this trip – I just need to go to the haram (the Grand Mosque) and go and cry my heart out. I was just sitting there in my home, and I bawled my eyes out. But then it all came together. And when we were there for umrah, I prayed that I could be brought back for Hajj.

I’m 40 now, and I’m not waiting to be married before I go for Hajj. My loan forgiveness went through, I have no major debts, I feel like this is a good time. I don’t have to worry about kids, I don’t have to worry about who’s going to watch them, I have a job that gives me flexibility to take all this time off. And so I prayed: Ya Allah (S), you know what the right time is for me. Just facilitate it for me.

Lo and behold, before you know it, all of this was put in motion, and we’re going.

This is the right time for me. If I think back to my 20s, none of my factors were met – I had loans, I wasn’t working, I wasn’t as close to Allah (S) back then as I am now. I needed Islam to be meaningful to me. That sweetness wasn’t there before, but it is there now. Even if all the factors had been met 15 years ago, that sweetness wasn’t there. It wasn’t the right time for me.

Hajj is an invitation from Allah (S). Everything for me right now is perfect. Everyone has their own path, everyone has to go through things differently in life. This reflection came from my Hindu father-like figure of a colleague – there is no cookie-cutter life. There’s stuff you have to go through in your life, and when the time is right, the time is right. Allah (S) knows when it’s the right time for you.

Asra Husain (Dr. Ayesha Mohamed’s sister-in-law), attorney and mother of three daughters

Asra Husain (left) and Dr. Ayesha Mohammed

When [my husband and I] had [our eldest daughter], we looked at what would be a good age to leave our children and go for Hajj. We thought, initially, when kids are 5 or 6. We looked at where Tabraiz, my husband, was in training and work. How long would it take to pay down all of our debts so we can go? We both have a masters degree and a professional degree – that’s a lot of student debt.

Then we had [our second and third daughters). When we had our last daughter, we were closer to getting our debts taken care of. We were, at this point, just carrying our student debt (and our home). We looked at school calendars, how old our kids would be, and we thought – 2023 would be our year, because it’ll be summer, the kids will be out of school and can go somewhere if they need to or have someone come take care of them.

So when I had started law school, I had always planned to do public interest law, and I knew it would be hard to pay off my debt. But I took advantage of student loan forgiveness and got my loans forgiven last year. Then I talked to my husband and told him that he may qualify for this too. And, his loans were forgiven.

We were very nervous when [the Saudi government] changed the system last year. We gave Dar es Salaam a deposit in January of 2022 meant for Hajj in 2023 – a year and a half in advance. But then there was a new system. We didn’t know what would happen. Our deposit stayed with Dar es Salaam through Ramadan of this year. Then it became clear that we’d have book online. It seemed like the rules were changing every day So it was a lot of letting go – Allah (S), please help this work out.

It’s been hurdles all the way. All these classes we’ve done and all the lectures we’ve listened to, they tell us each year the people who are chosen for Hajj, it’s a delegation that Allah (S) has picked. This will be the longest I’ve been away from my kids – all three of them. Both of us, my husband and I, haven’t been away from them for more than one night.

So what I’ve learned is, there isn’t a right time to go. You just have to make it the right time

Farzana Hasan, a retired event and meeting planner in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Farzana Hasan, who is the mother-in-law of The Haute Take's contributing writer Zaiba Hasan, co-founder of Mommying While Muslim.

I went for Hajj in 2012; I was in my early 60s. It was my first Hajj.