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As working women climbing the career ladder, imposter syndrome can overtake the best of us. In fields typically dominated by certain “types” based on age, gender, race, [insert label here], entering as a newcomer can feel downright unnerving. Self-perceived “imposters” think they have less value to add, were given the opportunity by mistake, and/or just aren’t good enough to hold their current position. Unfortunately, these feelings affect many women today, across all industries, especially -- and ironically -- those who’ve excelled and done really well in their careers.

Feeling like an imposter also affects how we move up at work. It leads to what's been coined by reporters Claire Shipman and Katty Kay as the “confidence gap.” They found that despite having strong credentials from top schools or impressive titles from world-renowned companies, many women attribute their success to “getting lucky” or downplay their accomplishments and strengths. They defer leadership to their male counterparts, and if a better opportunity comes along in the form of a new job or promotion, they tend to hesitate before taking it on, questioning if they are really ready to go for it. Their findings align with internal research by Hewlett Packard that found that men, on average, apply for a job if they meet only 60% of

 the qualifications, while women generally apply if they meet 100% of them. This confidence gap also leads women to caveat otherwise assertive statements with, “This is just my two cents...” or “This is probably a crazy idea, but…” Author Ann Friedman finds this feeling also occurs among minority males who attribute their success to affirmative action, ahead of their own personal strengths or qualities.

This brings me to my next point -- if accomplished women in general are feeling like imposters, what does that mean for accomplished women of color? Often, it adds insult to injury. According to the New York Times, the lack of diversity or representation at the workplace can make minority women feel particularly isolated. Additionally, the pains of discrimination are more sorely felt when coupled with imposterism. Minority women feel even more like outsiders amidst a homogenous group of colleagues and that their perspectives don’t matter. Without having co-workers they can relate to, they’re often left questioning themselves or what they have to offer.

As Muslim women, our representation across the workplace is steadily building, but still has a long way to go. The feelings of imposterism and isolation I’ve described above certainly weren’t new to me. As I researched this topic, I’ve reflected on my career journey thus far and all the hits I took because of a confidence gap or attributing my success more to external factors like luck or a helping hand, less to my own personal qualifications. The good news is that while it takes some work to undo years of bad thinking and false beliefs, it’s not impossible! When I decided to learn web development two years ago, I oscillated a lot between feeling super excited and too nervous to even begin. I had taken a programming class in college several years ago, and at the time I found it so abstract and difficult to grasp that I dropped it after a week. Then, life happened and I gained some wisdom: I learned that it’s okay to try a second time and that initial failures don’t mean I’m a fraud. Now, the learning curves don't faze me like they used to. Sometimes they're even enjoyable!

There are ways to overcome imposter syndrome, and here are a few ideas:

 Know it’s okay to feel nervous and scared initially. Fear is a natural reaction to perceived potential failure or lack of control; that’s a survival mechanism ingrained in our genes. The trick is to tell yourself that trying “the thing” won’t kill you, because the only way to guarantee absolute failure is to quit before you begin.

 I learned this from my mentor, Niko Everett. She had me take a minute to write down why I felt unqualified to be a writer. Then, I turned my sheet around, and for each “disqualification,” I wrote down something I did in the past that disproved it. For example, when I wrote that “I can’t write a book because it’s too hard,” I countered it with, “I sold products for a school fundraiser for five hours when I was in the sixth grade, despite most people rejecting my sales pitch. That was hard but I met my quota anyway!”

 Great ideas and learnings happen in collaboration. Find people in the same boat as you (hello, Meetup!), who are diligently chugging away at the same kind of project or endeavor you’re pursuing. Bounce off ideas and encourage each other, and articulate what you’re all about to a willing audience!

 Grit is my favorite new word -- it means having passion and perseverance to pursue long-term goals, as defined by Angela Duckworth, PhD. When dealing with short-term setbacks, which all of us inevitably go through, having a tenacious spirit and infallible willpower in the face of them makes all the difference. I highly recommend Duckworth’s book “Grit” to learn about different peoples’ path to success and how to follow suit. Her TED Talk is also inspiring, as well.

 Feel like your skills are not up to par? Teach someone how it’s done. It’ll refine your own development, reveal skills you never knew you had, and sharpen what you already know. Sharing your knowledge with someone else who needs it also helps boost his or her confidence, so it’s a win-win for both of you.

 Whether it’s taking a promotion, changing careers, or excelling at your current role, you made a hard-earned journey to get to where you are today. Your experiences and views add dimension and dynamism to your organization, especially if they’re nontraditional! As a Muslim woman, you ride on the backs of giants like Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, and Zahra Billoo. You’re a trailblazer in your own right, so own it boss lady!

When you level up your skills and elevate professionally, there will be many points along your ascent where might second-guess yourself or wonder how you got there. While a little humility keeps you open to growth and improvement, don’t let it become your modus operandi. Resist downplaying the strengths and accomplishments that have paved your success thus far, and let Anais Nin's powerful words be your guiding force: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

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Dealing With Impostor Syndrome & How To Banish It For Good

The Haute Hijab family is incredible! We're digging all the different ways you balance modesty with style, and how you kill it every day at home, work, and school! Here are some of our favorite pics you've shared with us while rocking your Haute Hijabs!

Hoda is stunning in the Perfect Satin Hijab in Emerald! Get your satin hijabs 

Dr. Fatima Fahs is ready to see her patients! She's wearing the 

We love your smile, Halimah! She's wearing the Painted Roses Hijab. Get your fun, fresh prints 

Here's Haya in the Canary Fields wrap! Get your prints fix 

We see you workin' that corporate catwalk! Dalia's wearing Bursting Sunflower and Reem is wearing Sweet Roses. We're all about how these ladies are working their 

Haja is throwing it back with our original vintage scarf – the Jade Dreams Hijab!

Buffy's hijab toss is all kinds of yes! She's wearing the Mod Moroccan wrap. Find your similar print 

Halima Aden in all her glory in the Show me the Monet wrap!

Bright Colors FTW! Zeva is wearing the Premium Jersey Hijab in Amber. Get your 

Dania is #summervibes in the Premium Jersey Hijab in 

Haniyyah dons the Sunday Brunch Hijab here. Find similar prints 

Zizi's deep in thought in the Modal Maxi Wrap in Olive. Similar color 

Kiana keeps it classy while wearing the Houndstooth Heaven wrap.

Bushrah is all smiles in the Spring Fling Hijab.

Ashley contemplates by the water while wearing the Viscose Woven Hijab in 

Mina's Premium Jersey Hijab in Taupe Grey is the perfect complement to her urban and edgy ensemble. Get your Jersey fix 

Farhiya's Eid outfit is complete with the 

Minara is crisp and cool in the Breakfast in Malibu wrap! Get a similar print 

Ashley is bold and bright in the Pomegranate Tea Hijab.

Samia enjoys the great outdoors in the Premium Jersey Hijab in 

Best of #HHSpottedClub Photos

Vacuum the carpet. Clean the bathroom. Throw out the trash. Brew tea. Check Facebook.

 These are just some of the things that run through my mind when I sit down at my desk to start my work. If I were to give in to each and every whim I think of, I’d never get any work done! Being a work-from-home-mom is no joke, and if you're not disciplined, you'll find yourself constantly overwhelmed and behind on everything. Here are some tips I’ve developed to help me stay focused and on track. 

This almost goes without saying, but it’s worth mentioning. Paid help is definitely the easiest way to work from home as a mom because you eliminate delays to your work for the whole day. For at least a few hours, you can pay someone to help you feed, change, and entertain your kids while you hammer away at work. Whether it’s hiring a nanny, enrolling in daycare, or enlisting the help of loving and able relatives, this is the most effective way to work from home seamlessly and with the least stress. It’s also an added expense, so think carefully about what’s feasible for your family and go from there. If you are blessed to have family willing to help out who refuse to get paid, try to repay the favor somehow! Whether it be helping them with housework, cooking some food, or anything else you know they’ll appreciate.

Regardless of whether or not you’re able to get outside help, a routine is still necessary. Just like children crave routine, adults do, too. Establish a routine for both you and your kids – wake up and have breakfast, get ready for school or playgroup, take naps, have lunch, etc. Whatever the activity, make sure they are consistent and occur at roughly the same times. This will help your workflow and subconsciously keep you alerted when you need to be on “high” and “low” alert for your kids; e.g. high alert when they’ll need your full attention such as during meal or nap times, and low alert when they play on their own or are sleeping. Ideally you’ll want to get more work done during the low alert periods and plan accordingly.

Even if you don’t need to be in an office by 9 AM, you still need to get ready for the day! Taking a shower will set your daily routine into motion. Go one step further and actually make an effort with your appearance, too. Wear clothes you’d wear to the office to really get into work-ready mode... and for those last-minute Skype video conferencing calls. ;)

Just like they tell you not to study on your bed because your brain associates it with sleep, don’t sit cross-legged on your sofa hunched over your laptop for several hours a day! It’s terrible for your posture and blood flow, not to mention your overall health. Create a designated workstation in your home that is clean and conducive to working. It’ll help you get work done faster and eliminate distractions.

5. Change your location up if you need to.

Alternately, if working at home is not your forte, utilize your mobility-freedom to work anywhere! Obviously, someone would need to watch your kids for this to work, but even doing this once a week is pretty effective. Changing up your locations breaks up the monotony and can speed up getting your work done because your brain won’t be triggered by the same environmental stimuli that otherwise hold you up from being productive, like the TV, low lighting, or, oh yeah, your kids screaming and crying. :)

6. Utilize nap and sleep times to their max.

When your kids nap, you must take full advantage of these precious hours! I try to get all my high-priority, time-sensitive work done during this time because it means zero tending to my son while he naps. As you plan your work for the week, arrange it so that you can get all your necessary work done during these precious low-alert hours.

Regardless of any housework you have piling up, and regardless of any plans you'd like to make, keep your work-designated hours to work only. Be disciplined about this, and you'll find that you'll get most of your work done during your designated work hours, leaving you feeling accomplished and on top of your tasks for the rest of your day. 

As any working mom will tell you, nothing will always go 100% according to even the most detailed, fool-proof plans. The babysitter might cancel, your husband or kids might fall ill, or your laptop might crash. There are a million and one things that can go wrong, and the first step when it happens is to b r e a t h e, and re-set your planner accordingly. Which leads me to my next tip...

9. Set realistic expectations with your employer.

Always have honest and candid conversations with your manager about what your schedule and constraints are. Let them know well in advance about the dates you won’t be available and try as hard as possible to honor your commitments and deadlines. At the start of every year or quarter, make a list of the goals you and the team need to get done and let them know where you can perform and meet expectations. At the same token, be forthright about where you may face difficulty and challenges.

To really build trust and your reputation for integrity at work, don’t overcommit to assignments you’re unsure of completing. While it’s important to demonstrate skill and competence and take on challenges to move up the corporate ladder, take an honest stock of your priorities professionally and personally. See where they align and conflict, and go from there. Once you have a solid understanding of what you’re able to do, it’ll be easy to say yes to new opportunities and no to the ones that may hurt you.

Working from home means you don’t get the benefit of sitting side by side with your manager and colleagues every day and can’t stride over to their desk if you need to troubleshoot an issue. This means you need to communicate to the smallest detail in your email, text messages, or Slack conversations. Frame every written message respectfully and succinctly, but give enough detail that would otherwise be conveyed in an in-person encounter. This way, everyone is on the same page and no one gets any surprises after weeks of non-communication.

Working from home as a mother definitely has some challenges, but many rewards as well. We get the option to work on our own time and don’t need waste time in traffic or commutes. Best of all, the flexibility of our schedules can afford us to spend more time with our kids, which is important to take full advantage of! Whether or not you are able to get outside help, the key to making WFH work is to set up a solid routine that works for you your family. Happy working!

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What are some of productivity tips and tricks that work for you? Share in the comments below! 

11 Ways to Maximize Productivity As A Work From Home Mom

Going to the beach as a hijabi? Here's a guide for everything you need! From burkinis to lounge reading to breathable hijabs, we've got you covered (pun intended)! 

Your beach towel can even double up as a prayer rug! 

2. Burkinis! Here are some of our current faves: 

Don't forget a kimono for lounging poolside!

My Bourkini gives a twist to conventional modest swimsuits.

For a high-end burkini, Munamer is your go-to designer!

 (on sale until the end of the month!), and 

4. Sunscreen, SPF Lip Balm, and flip flops!

5. Seaside reading, per Mel's personal recommendation!

 prints are perfect for letting the breeze through while keeping you cool!

7. Sunglasses (you know it's not a legit beach day without them!)

8. And lastly, you drink of choice – halal, of course! ;)

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What are your go-to beach essentials? Share them in the comments below! 

The Ultimate Guide To Modest Swimwear + Hijabi Beach Essentials

Teaching our kids to love Islam is no small feat, but it doesn’t need to be impossible! There are simple, small steps you can take that can have a lasting impact on their relationship with their faith. Whether positive or negative, pay close attention to how you’re modeling your own observance of worship, because that is your most significant teaching you’re doing for them! Make every effort to approach all aspects of faith with enthusiasm and appreciation, and even when moments feel tough (such as praying Fajr or fasting in intense heat, for example) be honest and candid. For example, you can say, “Man, it might be a tough one today, but Allah knows our hearts! The reward will be worth it!” Here are some practical, family-bonding ideas for instilling a love for Islam in our children:

 Praying in jamaat is beloved by Allah (S). The more there are in the group, the better. Even if you pray one prayer together as a family, it’s something your kids will understand to be important that you all take seriously. Use it as quality family time and demarcate a special section in your home for family prayers for added significance.

 Teach your children about the value of coming to the masjid, how prayers are rewarded seventy times more if prayed there, and how to observe respect for the House of Allah. I will point out that many communities may have mosques that are gender restricted and not super friendly to women and children coming to the mosque. It’s a sad reality, but one that we must actively work on dismantling and challenging. If such mosques are the only option in your neighborhood, see if there is a local Muslim Student Association active in a college near you and find out if they have Friday prayers or some other activity that may be open to you and your family.

3. Organize Quran and Islamic story circles.

 Join your local Muslim Mommy and Me to teach your kids the basics of Islam, such as Arabic letters, Islamic songs, and learning about the Seerah of the Prophet (S) and his companions. If there isn’t an existing group, make one with some friends! Start a Facebook or Whatsapp group to garner availability and iron out logistics for meeting times, places, and rotating who leads the activity each week.

 Get your kids excited and pumped for Eid festivities by hosting a party or potluck. You can have a henna station, puppet shows, face painting, and arts and crafts. Explain the significance of celebrating Eid-ul-Fitr after a month of fasting in Ramadan and Eid-ul-Adha to commemorate Prophet Ibrahim’s obedience and sacrifice to Allah (S).

 Even if your children are too young to fast, include them in meal prep to get them excited about fasting when they’re older. Talk about how you wake up for Suhoor and wait until sunset to eat Iftar, and how special it will be because they’re helping to make it. Talk about the rewards of feeding fasters and how they get to benefit from receiving such rewards, as well.

6. After Maghrib, go over a Qur’an verse or Hadith together.

 My dad did this with my sisters and me growing up. It almost felt like storytime and was long enough to keep us interested and short enough to sustain our attention. My dad pulled out any book he was currently reading and went over a simple topic such as the virtues of being kind or Prophet Musa’s bravery in standing up to the Pharaoh. These lessons have stayed with me into adulthood and are solid memories I’ve cherished of learning about Islam from my father.

7. Encourage your kids to give charity from their own money.

 We’ve all delighted in the five dollars we earned from our lemonade and garage sales growing up. I remembering saving up all my Eidi and hard-earned allowances for a Barbie dollhouse or board game. My mom never missed a beat in reminding me that a portion of that money should go to a person or cause who was more in need of it than I was. She emphasized how important charity is in Islam, and how much it pleased Allah. Learning to part from my precious savings, no matter how meager they were, taught me patience and gratitude and how to make room for others. I’m excited to pass this onto my son as well, and encourage all parents to do the same, too!

Loving Islam is a mentality we put into practice every day, and is reflected in our attitudes and actions constantly. As I mentioned above, we are our kids’ most important teachers, so “teaching” them to love Islam means being cognizant of the messages -- both subliminal and outwardly -- we send them. Even if our efforts are small, keep them consistent. Show, rather than tell, how much Islam means to you and how it improves your lives and the capacity to give back to society. Our future hinges on raising empathetic, compassionate, and grounded children who will lead our world into a better future. It starts today with the lessons we teach to help them thrive and grow!

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7 Ways To Instill Love For Islam In Your Children's Hearts

These days, it’s pretty easy to feel anxiety from social media. For anyone with a smartphone, information overload seems to have become the default setting. Apps and websites are competing for your time, attention, and dopamine (the neurotransmitter responsible for making your brain anticipate a potential reward). “Get addicted to us!” They scream. We’re flashy and pretty, and if you scroll through us, maybe you can be flashy and pretty, too! Emphasis on the maybe -- by pandering to our insecurities, desires, and curiosity, we’ll never feel like we’re enough or have enough. Furthermore, the curated realities we portray on social media (I am guilty of this, too) are merely a form of self-marketing. We pick and choose what we want to show the world, so nothing is 100% accurate. So, how do we keep our addiction to it in check so it enhances – rather than harms – our psyche?

” button for any person, group, or organization that leaves you feeling more anxious than fulfilled after you see their posts. Full disclosure: I actively follow groups like the ACLU and Southern Poverty Law Center and their posts these days really fill me with dread and fear for the future. I try to find ways to channel these feelings toward a healthy outlet, such as donating to worthy causes and talking it out with loved ones.

2. By the same token, hit “Follow” for people and posts that are uplifting and inspiring.

 You know best what your values and beliefs are, so if someone aligns with them, go ahead and follow them! Just remember to put a time limit on your scrolling.

3. Know that the “sparkly” pictures only tell half the story.

 While Pinterest and Instagram stories are fun and enticing to look at (for hours!), know that these posts have taken hours, sometimes days, to put together. There’s no need to feel envious because you know the people in the pictures are dealing with the same daily drudges – diapers, messy spills, mean bosses, or angry clients – as the rest of us.

“But the organizing tips are really useful!”

 If unfollowing isn’t an option, train yourself to stick to designated “social media times” throughout the day, such as a nightly Facebook check. I know it’s SO hard to resist checking your updates if you’re standing in line or at the doctor’s office, but the rewards far outweigh the drawbacks. By spending less time on social media, you’re not as invested in every update, and you'll free up time to do… anything! Talking face to face with your friends, kids, husband, or mailman! Watching birds fly! Reading that book that’s catching dust on your shelf! Learning to knit!

Anytime you reach for your phone, stop and think “What am I checking my phone for?”

 Unless it needs to be done at that moment, wait until your nightly Facebook check.

6. Remind yourself of what you can be doing instead.

 to be more productive, and the same can be applied to mitigating anxiety from social media, as well. For each extra minute you spend online, think about what you’re missing out on, instead.

Get curious about your social media addiction.

 breaks down the powerful cycles we train our brains to go through for feeding our various addiction. He uses smoking as an example, but the same can be applied to scrolling through our phones and social media constantly. If you break the pattern by becoming mindful and curious about why you want to check your updates, you’re overcoming half the battle right there.

Social media isn’t inherently bad and can even be a remarkably powerful tool. Facebook’s original mission of “making the world more open and connected” has been carried out pretty effectively. Social media has sparked massive movements for social change like the Arab Spring, March for Our Lives, Women’s March, and over $20 million raised for reuniting separated migrant children from their families just this past week! However, if left unchecked, our addiction to social media can become dangerous. If you can make an extra effort to be mindful of how you use it and when, it’ll help decrease your anxiety and FOMO by a long shot.

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How do you achieve balance and maintain your mental health in the era of social media? Do you find that social media gives you more anxiety than benefits? Share in the comments below! 

7 Ways To Mitigate Your Anxiety from Social Media

Here are some awesome books to get your kids into the festive spirit Ramadan, plus some general others that inspire pride in their Muslim identity! Whether your child is just a few months old or is already a pre-teen, these age-appropriate titles sure to delight and excite. Happy reading!

 by H.A. Rey and Hena Khan – In this sweet board book, George learns about Ramadan and Eid with his friend Kareem! 

 – This colorful board book teaches toddlers and young children about Ramadan and its beautiful customs and festivities. 

The One: A Children’s Storybook About Allah

 by Manaal Jafrey-Razaque - This story elucidates Allah’s different names and attributes. 

 by Razana Noor – This story describes the role of the two angels who sit on our shoulders and write down every deed we do, from our first day on earth to our last. 

 by Hena Khan – Filled with gorgeous imagery, this book teaches children about shapes through the architecture and art of the Muslim world. 

 – Another informative book about Ramadan and the importance of fasting, charity, and good deeds performed during this month. It details how a family observes the month and its many traditions. 

 by Bachar Karroum – Laila gets introduced to the rules and rituals of Ramadan when she happens upon her parents eating Suhoor early in the morning. 

 by Akila Dada – Esa and his mom teach readers to make dua for others and give thanks for their many blessings. Mothers will especially enjoy reading this story to their children because of the nice dua the mom makes at the end of the story. 

 by Omar Khwaja – This delightful book answers the probing questions about Allah and His presence at the forefront of every child’s mind. Traveling to various corners of the globe together, Ilyas and Duck look far and wide for Allah, and are met with surprising answers and profound realizations. 

 – Shaima learns the importance of giving when she plants an apple tree with her dad. By sharing the apples she grows with others, she overcomes selfishness and learns to attain Allah’s pleasure. 

Yo Soy Muslim: A Father's Letter to His Daughter

 by Mark Gonzalez – Written by a Muslim and Latino author, this book teaches children to celebrate their diverse and multicultural identities. 

 by Na’ima B. Robert – Filled with lovely illustrations about iftars and worship, this book will inspire readers to fully participate in Ramadan’s rituals and make them their own. 

 by Malala Yousafzai – In this inspiring autobiography, Malala highlights the importance of an education and the struggles she overcame to achieve her dreams. 

 by Reem Faruqui – Lailah struggles with explaining fasting and Ramadan to her classmates, but a kind librarian shows her how. 

 by Asmaa Hussein – Nusaiba loves school… until a bully makes a mean comment about her Muslim family. This is an excellent story that teaches kids about standing up to bullies while maintaining pride in their own heritage and religion. 

by Hena Khan – In this critically-acclaimed story, Amina straddles two cultures as a Pakistani-American who grapples with the aftermath of a hate crime that rocks her community. 

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What are some of your favorite Muslim children's books? Share them in the comment below! 

16 Children's Books That Will Inspire Pride In Their Muslim Identity

The fact that there is a hashtag called #momguilt speaks to the many hats we moms are expected to wear today, which are often unrealistic and sometimes even self-imposed! I don’t blame us – with all the messages we get, from the media to family to the established norms in our cultural and spiritual communities, it’s a lot! #momguilt is a response to feeling guilty that you’re not doing enough for your kids because your attention gets focused elsewhere: on work, school, and/or other duties that require a significant portion of your time. How do we combat and overcome this nagging feeling of guilt and helplessness? Read on! 

Relax. Breathe. You’re trying your best, and when bad things happen, they’re not your fault. Forgot to feed your baby veggies? Your son’s 2nd-grade history project got soaked in spilled juice? Kids didn’t get their nighttime bath? IT’S 

 A lack of perfection is good for kids – it teaches them how to adapt and go with the flow. If you forgive yourself, your kids will learn not to be too hard on themselves, either.  

Is it an oxymoron to make time for yourself when you already feel like you're not spending enough time with your little ones? Not at all! Being on mommy-on-call mode 24/7 can wear you down because you’ve been running on autopilot and aren’t able to focus easily on the present. If you feel like you need a break every once in a while to re-energize and get a change of pace, allow yourself to soak in some kid-free time every once in a while. Call the sitter or a relative to watch the kids while you self-indulge – whether it’s time with your girlfriends, a solo trip to the park or coffee shop, or even catching up on your favorite show or movie at home. You’ll come out of it refreshed and ready to get back into the mommy-groove of things. 

Feeling frenzied from a lack of time and energy can also stem from a billion things buzzing on your radar that you’re trying to tackle all at once. Stop and asses what they are, and rank them in order of importance. Do what’s most urgent and necessary first, and let the other priorities fall into their respective place. Make a list of your “non-negotiables,” such as weekly dinners with the family, a nightly stroll around the block, or praying Fajr as a family. When asked to do something in the community or from friends or relatives, see if the request conflicts with your non-negotiables. If it doesn’t, let it fall into its rightful place on your priority list.

4. Maximize quality time with your children.

 about this. The key takeaway is involving your kids in household chores, gardening, and whatever else consumes your daily routine. Integrate their eager minds and boundless energy by enlisting their help and input as much as possible. You’re showing them how to be responsible and even creative when they get bored. It might take some patience on your end, but if you actively engage their participation, it’ll be time well spent with your little ones.

I was one of the least organized people I knew up until very recently. I wondered why I always felt stressed and exhausted even before I got out of bed in the morning. I realized it was because I wasn’t taking an honest assessment of my priorities (see point #3) and getting serious about how I managed my time. 

 are great apps for recording your to-do lists and setting reminders. Think about how long your various tasks take and give them an extra buffer room of 20%. For example, if driving to school or daycare in the morning takes 20 minutes, add five extra minutes of “buffer time” to account for surprises or unexpected delays along the way.

You are not a machine. Accept that everything can’t be done perfectly all the time. As long as you’re hitting all the major targets of your to-do list and your family is healthy and relatively happy, don’t sweat it. You’re doing great!

I repeat: you are not a machine. Outsource meals, grocery delivery, or house cleaning if your budget allows. Ask for extra help when you need it, whether from friends, family, in-laws, and remember to return the favor when they need your help, too! It takes a village to raise children and keep families healthy and intact, so don’t feel guilty about building community and strengthening ties with your loved ones as you do it!

Banish #momguilt from your vocabulary. Whether you’re a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, you’re doing your best to hold down the fort and provide for your family. If you feel overwhelmed or stressed by the duties that lie ahead of you, give yourself space to refresh, recharge, and get proactive about your priorities. Weed out the time-consuming activities that don’t align with your non-negotiable values so you can free up more time with your children and loved ones. Power onward!

It's Time To Banish #Momguilt From Your Vocabulary

"Sleep training." Two little words guaranteed to make new parents shudder (and elicit many passionate debates from fans and opponents alike).

While sleep training has many variations (extinction, graduated extinction, the Ferber method, pick-up-put-down, the chair method, and so on), it is often shrouded in mystery and misconception. There’s really no “right” or “wrong” way to get your kid to sleep – like most aspects of parenting, each parent needs to do what he or she is comfortable with. Co-sleeping, room sharing, or putting the child in his own room are all acceptable as long as you and your child are happy with it. Co-sleeping and feeding my child several times a night does not make me happy, and I don’t think interrupted sleep for my son made him happy, either! At six months old, he woke up several times in the night to feed and it was slowly wearing away at my energy and ability to function normally in the day. After several weeks of sleepless nights, I decided an intervention was necessary.

As I was doing some research, I came across many forums, blogs, and pieces of advice from well-meaning people that sleep training is cruel because it forces the baby to cry himself to sleep, can make him feel abandoned, and cause undue stress which is bad for brain development and personality. But I also found arguments that refute this, as well.

Sleep training is not teaching the baby to cry himself to sleep. It’s teaching him to fall asleep without crutches – like rocking to sleep, a breast, bottle, or pacifier – so that he won't freak out if said crutch is not there when he wakes up. Personally, I found the Ferber method to be the best option for my family. This form of sleep training involves putting the child down when he’s sleepy but awake, letting him see the parent exit the room, and closing the door so he can fall asleep on his own without a crutch. In the beginning, the child inevitably cries because it’s new and disorienting for him. On our first night, I let him cry for three minutes, went in and soothed for a few minutes, left again for five minutes, then repeated the process, elongating the time elapsed between each "going-in" interval. It’s supposed to go for 3, 5, 7, 10, 12, 15, and then 20 minutes. If he cried longer than 20 minutes, I kept going in every 20 minutes till he fell asleep.

Ideally, the child falls asleep within an hour, but on the first night, he can potentially cry for several hours before he falls asleep (mine cried for two). When my son woke again in the middle of the night, I initiated the going-in intervals of 3, 5, 7, etc minutes again. The next night he cried a little less, then less the night after, until he became “trained” to fall asleep on his own with no crying at all. The crib and room become associated with sleep, so when my husband or I kiss him goodnight and turn off the lights, he goes to sleep within just minutes (Alhamdulillah!). The process feels very hard in the beginning, but it is so worth it – we’re now happily sleeping through the night for four months and counting! Here is how I tackled it:

1. Get the OK from your pediatrician first

. Before you sleep train, you must consult your pediatrician first to make sure your baby is at an acceptable weight and is otherwise healthy and ready to be sleep trained. When I thought we were mentally ready to sleep train, my pediatrician told me to hold off because the night feeds my baby was doing (two or three per night) were necessary to his weight gain, and he was actually waking because he was hungry, not because he needed the milk to fall asleep. So, make sure you check with the doctor first before you launch into it!

 The quote, “it gets worse before it gets better” applies here. Sleep training will be disorienting for you AND your baby. He is not used to it and he will cry and protest for as long as he can to get you to come back and give him what he needs to fall asleep. Knowing you will lose sleep makes it somewhat easier, but make sure you do it at a time when you can afford to lose sleep, as opposed to the middle of the work week or right before a vacation.

3. Both parents need to be on the same page

 important that everyone in the household agrees on the training method because everyone in the house will be losing some sleep during the training period. If one of you cracks and gives the baby his crutch, it’ll make you need to start all over again, and the discrepancy and mixed messages the baby gets will confuse him and backfire on everyone.

 Having come out on the other side of sleep training, I can assure you that it is worth the pain. Nonetheless, it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. As mothers, it absolutely goes against our nature to ignore our babies’ cries. The moment they come into our lives, we are wired to tend to their every need because their survival literally hinges on it. So when we hear them cry, it is painful and excruciating to ignore it, and you will want to have a friend you can text who has successfully sleep trained her child or is currently going through it, who can root you on when you feel like giving up. Having someone who understands your pain works wonders to keep you motivated when the going gets tough!

 This helped me a lot because I could see exactly what my baby was doing in his crib and could rush in if necessary. It also helped reassure me that if he went quiet, it was because he was asleep and I could see him toss and turn in his sleep, as well. My baby video monitor also tells me the room temperature, which is super helpful in helping me decide how much to bundle him up for his sleep.

6. Join Respectful Sleep Training on Facebook.

 This private Facebook group adds new members every Wednesday. It has over a hundred thousand members, which speaks to how desperate we parents are to get a good night’s sleep! The moms and dads on here are very supportive, and anytime you need a listening ear, encouragement, advice, or just want to feel less alone as you train, this is the place to be. They also have amazingly relevant and informative articles to help you through the process.

 I got this book from the library and love the advice on how to foster independence in the child through compassion, discipline, and respect. It also gives detailed instructions on how to implement the Ferber and Extinction sleep training methods.

8. Don’t nap and night train at the same time.

 Sleep training requires mostly good rest from the day to sleep well at night (and vice versa). Sleep training for BOTH will cause the baby to lose the rest and make him over-tired, which actually impedes his ability to falling asleep easily. So tackle each one at a time. If you start with night sleep training, let the baby use his usual crutches to nap during the day. Alternatively, if you want to train for naps first, let the baby use his crutch for night sleep. Don’t let the baby get used to this cycle, though! Once he is trained for one, work on training for the other quickly after.

 Consistency is your best friend as you sleep train. Children crave consistency because it helps them anticipate what's about to happen. You can have a small bedtime routine, like the last feed, a burp, then surahs, a kiss goodnight, and finally lights out and the door closing. Try to do it at the same time every night so the baby’s body can adjust to it easily. And once you start the actual sleep training itself, stick to it for at least a week before you give up or want to try something else! If you start and stop a day later, then start immediately again, it will confuse your child and only elongate the training for both of you.

Because my son is now sleep trained, I have a few extra hours to chill out and relax every night after I put him to bed, and I don’t need to worry about going back in to feed or soothe him, because he’s perfectly comfortable on his own in his crib. If he does wake up, he is able to fall back asleep on his own without my or my husband's help.

I'll end by saying that what works for one parent may not work for another. However, if you find yourself at your wit’s end and want to get your baby to learn to sleep on his own through the night, sleep training is worth a fair shot! By teaching my son to learn to sleep on his own, I am better-rested, and a better-rested me means a more present and pleasant mommy during the day for him. Also, a better-rested baby means a better eater and a happier camper, overall. It’s a win for the whole family!

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Have you ever tackled sleep training? What are some of your tips and tricks? Share them in the comments below! 