Last year, the day before school started, I called the non-emergency line and spoke to a nurse at the local hospital. Something was wrong. Was I having a heart attack? Should I come in to be seen during COVID-19 restrictions? My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest! She told me to schedule an appointment with my primary care doctor within the next 24 hours. I realized I was having a panic attack. The next day was the first day of school, and I was panicking about setting up three classrooms in the house.

There were no desks or laptops available for purchase, and the only desk we had at home wasn’t cleared up for a classroom environment. After taking a moment to pause, I continued doing what I could with what we had. We were also waiting on district laptops. The first day of school for my kindergartener, third grader and sixth grader was expectedly unexpected. The internet in the area was slow with all the kids in the area signing in simultaneously for each school. People were having login issues. I had to figure out what each teacher was saying and decide which child I needed to sit near longer.

“Mom! Ammu!” I heard my name called throughout the day. It. Was. Rough.

Usually the first days of school involve back to school open nights, and I send a letter to the teacher explaining things my kids might need in school and making them aware of any allergies and medications. I tell teachers not to give them meat in school. There are back-to-school forms and the challenge of getting the kids on the bus in the morning.

After the initial few weeks of virtual school when I thought I had everything down to a science, schedules changed once again. Too much time online, more time doing work by themselves. Small groups were integrated.

In many ways the kids needed the downtime at home. I had been working full time for the past two years, which was tough on the kids. It involved long days, being shuffled between daycare and home, and long weekends for me with catching up on grocery runs, laundry and cooking. The kids were craving more time to relax and hang out with us.

As the kids were learning their new subjects and schedules, I began to learn something new about each of them, as I’m sure you have with your own children. I plan to keep these lessons with me as I help them with their upcoming school year.

As a five-year-old, my son struggled to sit still last year. Listening to stories wasn’t cutting it for him. Sometimes he’d turn off his camera when he couldn’t keep up with staying put. There were days I’d have to do the activities with him later and some days when he would do them himself. There were days I had to take a walk or go bike riding with him before class to tire him out just enough to sit and awake enough to pay attention.

Quite contrary to my belief, he knew his stuff when tested. Every once in a while we’d drive by his school to pick up take-home materials. This was an exciting part of his school year – a few minutes every few weeks to see his teacher, connect and ponder about what would come next.

1. He needed more play before and after class to focus.

2. He wanted to be called on and needed to be seen and heard, not talked to.

3. He needs 1:1 connection with school staff, even if by drive-by material pick-up.

My daughter started third grade figuring how to type in letters on the laptop. She hadn’t taken a typing class, so it took her longer to type out her answers. She had a lot of questions but wasn’t sure when to ask. As I peeked into her room, I heard her teacher saying, “I’m proud of you guys. You are doing the best you can.” I was humbled at his encouraging words.

While I monitored my youngest’s class, who was in kindergarten, my daughter would tiptoe into the room and say, “You’re sitting with him and not me?” She just wanted a hug. For the tenth time.

1. She needs more hugs and positive words of encouragement.

2. She enjoys learning through storytelling. It worked like magic.

3. My daughter needs to go at her own pace, and that’s okay.

And then there was my middle schooler, who began a new school year in two new schools. He’s part of a program where he attends school in the morning at one location and the other half the day at another. But doing this virtual was confusing and at times challenging. Most of the issues that came up were communication issues and keeping on top of project deadlines. It reminded me of college days, when I’d send emails to my professors and ask them what they wanted specifically for assignments to get the “A” and what their office hours were.

Most 10- and 11-year-olds (heck most middle and high school students in general) are not familiar with that territory. It took a lot of reminding and discussions to teach him that he needs to reach out to his teachers. They won’t chase after him. He did learn that talking things out is usually always worth more than not. It was also hard for him not to be around extended family or friends throughout the year. There was nowhere to go.

1. He needs positive words of encouragement while being allowed to figure it out on his own.

2. He needs advice on how to schedule out projects and communicate with teachers one-to-one after class to understand how a teacher expects a project or assignment to be completed versus interpreting written instructions.

3. He needs friends and family check-ins to do better in school.

4. The biggest thing I learned, and it’s probably true for many of our kiddos, is that my middle schooler needs connection.

My son is a student who participates a lot in class, but the virtual world makes it harder for him to focus and participate. Now, with vaccinations and careful family meet-ups, his overall health and wellness has drastically gone up.

In March some students were allowed to go back to school some of the time for a hybrid model at our schools. After weighing out pros and cons – short days with commute time between my work schedule, severe allergies for one of my kids, and the cases of COVID-19 happening in schools despite all measures taken – I decided they’d stay virtual. So when they head back to in-person school in a few weeks, it will be their first time back after nearly 19 months at home. (Here's what I need public school teachers to know about their Muslim students.)

As a parent I learned so much about my kids: Some of them needed more hugs and stories to pay attention, while another wanted to be seen and heard in class and not judged for not being able to sit still. The oldest needed to figure things out and work on scheduling his time. Most of all, I realized there are more layers of student learning than what meets the eye, and much of those factors begin with understanding your kids and relaying that information to the teachers.

For teachers, I thanked them for their stories. I encouraged some of them to call on the student more and also hold them accountable when applicable. And in some cases, I just let the kids figure out what they needed to do to get the job done by offering some tips.

Learning is a lifelong journey. Virtual learning might have put a wrench in the traditional models of learning, but it was a window into potential for growth. As much as they learned math, science and social studies, I learned how to become a better, more involved parent.

This year I am planning to send them all in for in-person learning unless COVID-19 cases continue to rise. And, I’ll be sending them to school with masks and lots of hand sanitizer. On the first day of school I will reminisce what it was like the year before, struggling and coping. But I will also cherish the little things that at the time felt so hard – long walks before class, eating lunch together some days and all the time we had together.