Who or what are you responsible for in your life? Are you a mother? A daughter who actively cares for or supports her parents? Do you have responsibilities towards your work/job, community obligations, people for whom you care who you can’t just stop caring for? Who are the people in your life and what are the things that you absolutely must give your time too?

In understanding the roles we play and what our blessed obligations are in our lives, we can then begin to understand where we fit into it ourselves and how to set up practical and useful boundaries that allow us to fulfill our love and responsibilities towards the people (and commitments) in our lives while making sure we are caring for ourselves.

Boundaries is something that has received a lot of attention the past few years in the realm of self care and recognizing the importance of valuing ourselves and protecting the life we have created for ourselves and our families from being stretched too thin and unnecessarily taken advantage of. Setting boundaries is an important aspect of self-care and maintaining healthy relationships.

Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves and others regarding what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Having clear boundaries allows us to take responsibility for our own well-being and helps us to communicate our needs and wants effectively to those around us.

But how can we make the intention to set up practical boundaries for ourselves that take into account the things we just can’t let go – like caring for our children or our parents, or our responsibilities at work and in the home? How do we negotiate successful boundaries that will help us have healthy relationships?

Several types of boundaries can be set, including physical, emotional, and mental. This article from Urban Wellness Counseling identifies six types of boundaries when it comes to the relationships in our lives – physical, emotional, time, sexual, intellectual and material. But for the purposes of this article, we’re going to focus on emotional and mental boundaries in how we want to be treated in our relationships.

Emotional boundaries pertain to our feelings and emotions, such as not allowing someone to manipulate or control us. Mental boundaries pertain to our thoughts and beliefs, such as not allowing someone to impose their beliefs onto us.

Let’s face it: It is challenging for many women to set healthy boundaries with families, at work or in their Muslim communities. Many of us are trained to be selfless – it can be baked into our culture, how our faith is taught to us, and our family dynamics. We often directly correlate sacrificing ourselves with piety. As wives, mothers, daughters, workers and community members, we readily ignore our needs to benefit those around us.

What’s important to note is that setting boundaries does not mean we are selfish or unkind, rather it's about taking care of ourselves and being assertive in communicating our needs.

The challenge in setting whatever practical boundaries we are trying to in our lives is getting those with whom we have relationships, especially those for whom we are caregiving, to understand that we cannot always be available to them, that we may need time to ourselves or that we may expect certain modes of respect. There will also be seasons in our life where it will be hard to step away from the myriad of things you need to do physically, emotionally and mentally for your loved ones.

But that doesn’t mean that we should keep revisiting boundaries as things change in our lives. When our children are little, you may find it extremely difficult to carve out time for yourself or delegate responsibilities unless you have a supportive partner who is willing to share the work. But they will grow, and with that will come (Insha’Allah) the opportunity to set some healthy boundaries around how to maintain relationships that are mutually beneficial.

One way to set boundaries is to use "I" statements. These statements express our feelings and needs, rather than accusing the other person of wrongdoing. For example, instead of saying "You always interrupt me," we can say "I feel disrespected when I am interrupted."

Another way to set boundaries is to be clear and specific about what we will and will not tolerate. For example, instead of saying "I don't like it when you're mean to me," we can say, "I will not tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully."

It's also important to be consistent in enforcing our boundaries. If someone continues to violate our boundaries, it may be necessary to take further action, such as seeking the help of a therapist or counselor or (after careful assessment and trying to make things work in a way that is respectful of both parties) ending the relationship.

Setting boundaries around our emotional and mental health is important to self-care and maintaining healthy relationships. It's about taking responsibility for our own well-being and being assertive in communicating our needs.

We can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships by being clear, specific, and consistent in enforcing our boundaries. If we make the effort to do this, it can only help us maintain the strength and love we need to care for others in our lives in ways that are, Insha’Allah, healthy for us and healthy for them.