Each ushering of a new calendar year provides us with the opportunity on how we can improve ourselves and do more for our communities. The renewed zeal that often comes every January infuses us with an increased desire to give of ourselves, priming us to take part in personal sacrifices and renewed intentions that will (Insha’Allah) contribute to our individual and spiritual development.

We live in a society that prizes individualism. However, as Muslims, our faith encourages us to strive to sacrifice for family, friends and community as a form of worship that brings us closer to Allah (S).

Allah (S) says:

As Muslims, we have an exchange with the divine, sacrificing ourselves and what we have been blessed with for the ultimate reward of Allah’s (S) pleasure and paradise, but our eagerness to do so does not come without its tests.

At times, we may want to just let go – choose to protect ourselves and prioritize our own needs – and save ourselves from grief and headaches. Sacrifice for the sake of others or our community can often seem thankless. Many of our sacrifices may often go unappreciated by those around us. Fulfilling the needs of our families and communities usually turn into expectations with little to no recognition of the emotional and physical toll it all takes. While Allah (S) may be the ultimate reason for our deeds, it is still nice to get some validation and support.

Lack of support can demoralize anyone struggling to fulfill the needs of family and community. When we can’t fill our own cups, constantly draining ours to fill others will leave us empty and burned out. Thus, it is important to prioritize ourselves, our happiness, peace of mind and our needs. But, that doesn’t mean that we should cease sacrificing for the sake of others and increasing our good deeds with Allah (S). Instead, we should be able to lean on our family, friends and community when necessary.

We need to let others know when we are overwhelmed. If they don’t know how to help, at least let them know your needs. However, those who love and respect us but perhaps have too much to ask of us may add to that overwhelming feeling. Many of us get so caught up in sacrificing that we forget to think of ourselves. This is the perpetual challenge – taking care of ourselves in a way that strengthens us to take care of others and fight for what’s important to us. It can’t be only one or the other. And, it’s especially unhealthy and not sustainable when we give and give to others without taking care of ourselves.

In a previous Haute HIjab article, I interviewed humanitarian Asma Hanif, who admitted that she has jeopardized her health and well being to uplift her community, leaving her overwhelmed and lonely.

“[Those who need help] don’t care what my problems are; I am their solution … Something I'm never asked [about] is how lonely I am without someone to hold and remind me that I am not just a servant of Allah (S), but also a woman in need of being loved.”

Like Asma, so many of us struggle to find the balance and moderation (wasatiyyah) that our deen encourages. We swerve between extremes of untethered sacrifice – contributing to stress and burnout – and selfishness, which provides temporary relief but can leave us unfulfilled. Therefore, it is essential to our individual and spiritual health and development to find a middle ground.

One thing we can do at the start of this new year is to consider ways we can engage in deeds of sacrifice without sacrificing ourselves. It will take a lot of inner reflection and self-questioning. Are we giving back enough or too much? Do the challenges we face while engaging in good work contribute to our spiritual, emotional and physical wellness, or is there another way to give back that will minimize negative impacts on our well being?

Through self-reflection and self-awareness of our strengths and limitations, we can decide on the best ways to give back before we burn out and give up. In addition, we need to practice self-love and set aside moments to center ourselves and safeguard our physical, mental and emotional health.

After some personal fortification by learning to ask for help, setting boundaries, and appreciating that our bodies have rights over us, we may come closer to the balance between sacrifice and self that will give us the ability to push hard for the sake of Allah(S) and others without shattering ourselves. This is one of the hardest things to do, but ultimately it’s also one of the most important.